The author asks:

Does this sound like someone you know?

Always needs to be right

Tells you who you are and what you think

Implies that you’re wrong or inadequate when you don’t agree

Is threatened by people who are “different”

Feels attacked when questioned

Doesn’t seem to really hear or see you

If so, we recommend Controlling People by Patricia Evans. I discovered it when listening to one of my favorite YouTube channels, Permission to Exist.

A few years back, I realized that I had the pretty wack tendency to try to control situations. I don’t think I was trying to control people per se, but I’d be proactive and initiate most of the time; I took charge instead of waiting around for things to happen or for others to act as I would. I would do for myself before they even had a chance. I got accustomed to doing for myself to bypass the inevitable disappointment. In turn, this made me appear like superwoman so even when I asked for help, it was rarely granted.

Uh uh. I was not feelin that!

So I relinquished my control and got in the passenger seat. I let others ask before I offer. I don’t interfere unless it’s life-threatening (which it never is.)

It is still difficult to let others drive sometimes because they really just suck at driving, but it’s freed up my mind and time by not being everyone’s rock or go-to. I don’t need to control every outcome but for a very important few and that’s what I practice. That is where I found peace.

Controlling is such a motherly trait and uuugh, I definitely do not want to be defined as motherly by my fellow adults; no one has actually called me the C word (to my face), but I have been called a boss/boss lady, independent and strong, all of which I don’t really care for. (You can read more about my disdain for these titles here.) Sensible and driven define me waaaaay better.

Controlling People is a simple read (that I’m actually not quite done with) that helps me recognize certain behaviors in myself and others. It also shares how to sit tf down reverse those habits and protect yourself from attackers who try to define you and place you neatly in their box.

Just like we work out our physical bodies, it’s just as important to flex our minds by learning something new and being open to improving our not so savory bits.

Do you have a book to recommend?

Kelley Wright | Sept 27, 2020 | black-burgundy.com